Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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