420 ftw
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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