i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
