Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
