I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
