Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
