Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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