my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
