i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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