My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
