so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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