turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
