If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
