I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
