my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
