Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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