All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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