I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
