I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
