So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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