yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
