i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
