I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
