Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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