after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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