plz talk dirty to me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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