Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
