Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
