May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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