That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Houston, we have a squirter
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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