I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
