just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
