u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
