I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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