My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
