WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
