i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
