hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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