Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
