Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im holly from the hills drunk
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
