I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
