His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and she was petting her beer can
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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