have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
