Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
