How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
