You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
