PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
