my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
