just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
