We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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