if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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