i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
