You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
