Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
