Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
