i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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