we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
